The Courage to be Disliked

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Using the theories of Alfred Adler, authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga explain how we can develop the courage to change by freeing ourselves from past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others.

Favorite quotes from the book:

None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to. The world you see is different from the one I see, and it’s impossible to share your world with anyone else.

Those who go so far as to boast about things out loud actually have no confidence in themselves.

Relationships in which people restrict each other eventually fall apart.

… if you are not living your life for yourself, then who is going to live it for you?

And please remember this: if you are not living to satisfy other people’s expectations, it follows that other people are not living to satisfy your expectations.

”You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”

Think of life as a series of dots. If you look through a magnifying glass at a solid line drawn with chalk, you will discover that what you thought was a line is actually a series of small dots. Seemingly linear existence is actually a series of dots; in other words, life is a series of moments.

Life is a series of moments, which one lives as if one were dancing, right now, around and around each passing instant. And when one happens to survey one’s surroundings, one realises, I guess I’ve made it this far.

Naturally, it may happen that one arrives somewhere as a result of having danced. Since one is dancing, one does not stay in the same place. But there is no destination.

You say you wish you had known this ten years ago. It is because Adler’s thought resonates with you now that you are thinking this. No one knows how you would have felt about it ten years ago. This discussion was something that you needed to hear now.